So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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