He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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