You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
