he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
