i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
