Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
