Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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