Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
