What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
