found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
