I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
