we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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