she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
cat food counts as protein by the way
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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