I seem to have left my pride at pride
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
