He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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