I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We had sex on a dog bed..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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