glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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