You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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