i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
