You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
