speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
