dude i'm inner monologue high
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My vagina is very pro this idea
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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