just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
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you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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