He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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