its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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