after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
