I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
