Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
