You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
