1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
