Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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