yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
