I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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