Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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