Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
