Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
