bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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