Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
