you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
