i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She said her name was "party"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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