For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
