i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
There's even glitter on my cock...
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