I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
are you still at the devil's house?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.