Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!