rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
