I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
