am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
