i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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