she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
