Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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