i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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