I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize