i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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