i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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