Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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