fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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