Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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