I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
