I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
