can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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